Tuesday, August 06, 2013
Took me a struggle to openly pen this on a blog. I've caught the movie over the weekend. Tears kept rolling down my cheeks unstoppably in between. It was a painful experience throughout. Lovely movie that speaks of many of our past but at a time that I am not ready to reflect. It hurts. Very badly.
We talked some time ago. He insisted that he did not change. But I felt the change. A stranger. From the darkest corner of my life, nope, I don't think I have let go of the guy whom I love in the past. What others didn't know is that we still meet, we still talk. It is however, no longer the same guy I used to love anymore. There is a friend who knew exactly my thoughts. This guy took my youth away, decided to leave me entirely one fine day, left me bleeding in pain. All of a sudden, he decided to come back, do nothing, and wish that I give him a dateline before I move on. So what if I have given this guy a second opportunity? Nope, I don't think he's taking it up. Expecting me to just accept him like that one day? Sorry my dear, I can't do it anymore. I found myself with zero trust in you, something that I believe strongly in. Something you know.
Your actions had proven. You chose not to cherish me.
As we met up for dinner the other day, I found myself no longer walking by your side. I've grown tremendously since you left. With the damage that you have caused me, and my parents, they are things that I can no longer fix on my own. Mum asked me the other day, tearing my wound open once again. At least this time, she doesn't insist that it's my fault anymore.
You shocked too many.
Been seeing a lot of girls in your life these days, meeting them whenever you have free time. Tell me about infidelity if there's ever such thing called faithfulness.
Came to realise, I've lost your faithfulness way before you chose to leave. I was stupid to believe..
8 months have past, 4 more months before I have you thrown out of my life entirely. 7 years of relationship in exchange of a hurt that lasted so long, it is a horrible feeling that I no longer want to experience in this lifetime. If you ask me, yes, I do regret accepting you. I do regret going through this 7 years relationship. Yes, I feel bullied, and still do. For you changed. You grew irresponsible. While I had grown over the past 8 months, you gave me a feeling that you have moved backwards like a small kid. No, I don't have any feelings left for the you today.
It's the old guy that I love that doesn't exist in this earth anymore..
I need to stay strong, if not continue to act strong..
I must.
10:10 PM